Little wins add up to big change

Little wins add up. When I notice the small shifts, subtle changes, and baby steps, I feel good about myself. Maybe it's the microdosing, a slow medicine that allows the body time to adjust and find balance. It is like steering a big ship: big, sudden movements could sink the vessel. No, I don’t want that again. I need something calm and easy right now. I need to take it nice and slow to allow my nervous system time to find safety and grounding. Think warm bath, not ice plunge.

This summer I went on my first solo road trip, driving across the country from Colorado to the Adirondacks with my dog, stopping along the way to visit friends and family. It’s a journey I have taken many times with my former long-term partner, but this time I did it alone. Despite my insecurities and fears, I made it. I finally found calm seas after a major course correction, a very destabilizing jolt that nearly sank me. It was a change that needed to happen, but it was NOT. Subtle. At. All. And while I’m still restoring balance in my life post–breakup, I find myself navigating wavy, icy waters much more smoothly than in the past, when my nervous system was jacked tf up.

I could feel my whole body needing the change, and I’ve grown stronger and smarter, learning gentleness along the way. It is this gentleness that has become so precious.

So, when I have little wins, I pause and revel. When I step out of my comfort zone, I make sure to take notice. When I achieve a goal, I make sure to get in touch with my inner child and celebrate with her, allowing her to feel my presence in the soft, easy pleasure.

One of my goals this past month was to do a headstand on my paddleboard… and I did it! It took practice, dedication, and patience—waiting for those moments when the waters were calm enough—but I held it. On my list of long-term goals has been holding a handstand for four seconds—a project I’ve been working on for over two years, mind you. So every chance I got over the last two-plus years, I went upside down. I started strengthening my shoulders, gaining more flexibility and strength in my wrists and hands. I fell over and over. When I arrived in the Adirondacks, I set a smaller goal for myself because I needed something bite-size.

There I was on my paddleboard, trying to pop up and falling again and again into the chilly water. This was a welcome failure—each time a cool, refreshing reminder of my aliveness. Again and again I tried until I started landing with more control. When I could finally hold it for two seconds, I knew I could hold it for four. One one-thousand…two one-thousand…three one-thousand…four one-thousand!!!

With my days being numbered—facing my inevitable return to Colorado—I had another goal: to go rock climbing while I was out East. I brought my stuff, not really knowing if I’d find anyone to climb with. For those of you who have met me, it might come as a surprise, but I can be quite shy when I’m out of my element.

How was I going to meet anyone to climb with? I’m all alone in the woods.

While I was hiking with my dog, I saw some people who I clocked as potential rock climbers. I worked up the courage to speak to them. And sure enough, one of them was! They gave me some advice on a popular place to go, so after a pep talk from a Colorado friend/avid climber, I decided to take a chance. I turned up at the location, hiked in according to the map, and saw a couple folks set up on some routes. I hung around for a bit and finally decided to break the ice. I met a sweet couple who let me climb with them. Success!

My hands and forearms ached in that way that pulses with pain after just two routes…and I felt fulfilled. I really enjoy this sport, and I want to do it because I enjoy the intimacy I feel with the rocks, and I like solving puzzles I don’t need to compete or impress anyone. It is an opportunity to push. myself gently, and I seize it.

Stepping out of my comfort zone in this way was a small win on one of the last days of my trip.

So I’m writing about it to you all now because I want to celebrate the little stuff with you. This is something I do with my clients in every session. I am always on the lookout for the little wins. Because when we can take notice of things that seem too insignificant to matter, we begin to shift our mindset toward empowerment. Instead of telling ourselves, “it didn’t really matter,” or “it’s not that big of a deal,” we pause and allow our bodies to feel the pleasure, however subtle. We allow that gentle pleasure to land in our nervous system so we can teach ourselves what it feels like to feel good about ourselves.

It has taken me a lot of practice to learn this skill, and if this calls to you, please don’t hesitate to reach out!